What Is It About?

Napkin Version

Most of us have a good sense of empathy, which is handy when someone needs our understanding or support.  However feeling empathy can turn into Jealousy if we see their experience as better than our own, and is also something we really want and feel we deserve. This includes feeling that someone or something important to us may be ‘taken’ away from us by another person. 

JEALOUSY vs ENVY

While both emotions are very similar, this guide considers the key difference as being Envy is when we aspire to have what the other person has, while Jealousy is when we feel we already deserve it.  So if we are afraid of losing something, Jealousy may arise, but not Envy.

  • When we have jealous feelings arise in ourselves, it can help take a step back and considers what matters most to us in the situation, and what needs might be underneath that.

  • Once we have identified what needs might be underneath our jealousy, it’s usually worth considering if there is anything else we can do to meet those needs in ourselves first.

  • Since our perspective can be distorted by Jealousy, and blind trust can easily be betrayed, it’s important to work with the facts to gain a clear understanding of any questionable situation.

Handling Jealousy

In The Moment

Training our brain to use a relevant process helps us to focus more effectively and move on more easily. Using it often will also help our brain to catch Jealousy sooner, making it easier to manage.

Self-Reflection

If the emotion feels quite troubling, it’s usually worth checking if something else is going on first.

By resolving things in ourselves and clearing any other residual emotions, we can reduce the intensity of the emotion - now and when we encounter it again in future. 

Doing so also makes us less likely to ‘attract’ other difficulties that leave us feeling the same way.

See the Processing and Clearing an Emotion page for a generic process to resolve and clear an emotion.

Working Through Jealousy

The actions we choose to take in response to an emotion can make a significant difference to how well we adjust and move on from it.

The more we take genuine actions that are uplifting and ‘right’ i.e., are good for ourselves and everyone else (including the environment and other living beings) - for now, and over the long-term, the better our experience of life becomes.

The following can help us to work through Jealousy:

IF IT’S SITUATION RELATED:

  • Identifying what is most important to us in the situation, and why we feel we deserve to get what we are missing out on.

  • Checking if our feeling of entitlement is in alignment with the amount of hard and smart work we have put into the situation.

  • Acknowledging that life isn’t always fair.

  • Knowing that the more we develop our innovative thinking and skills to get past unfair barriers, the better off we’ll be long-term.

  • Prioritising our time, and taking positive action towards experiencing what is most important to us.

  • Backing ourselves, and trusting our ability to develop our skills and resources over time, which will enable us to achieve our goals.

IF IT’S RELATIONSHIP RELATED:

  • Identifying what unmet needs or fears might sit behind our Jealousy,  to decide if we are best to work on ourselves first.

  • Taking a step back to see the bigger picture.

  • Working with the facts to understand the situation and identify any root causes. 

  • Seeing everything as it is, with great care for ourselves, and as little judgement of others as possible (as we are all doing our best to make our way through this crazy experience called life).

  • Checking the relationship is still beneficial for both.

  • Considering if we can dedicate more time and effort to improve our relationship, our love, trust, and respect towards each other and ourselves, our communication, and to fostering more good times.

Clearing Residual Jealousy

Emotional energy can stick with us, even after we have worked through and resolved whatever caused it.

There are a number of ways we can clear the energy, including doing something physical in nature, imagining the emotion leaving our body, or for more intense emotions, there is a variety of different therapies and alternative forms of energy healing that can also help.

  • The short video below has been created to help imagine emotional energy leave the body, using the following visualisation process:

    • Imagine holding a ball of energy in your hands, and ‘charging’ it with the feeling of love, and anything else that would help to offset it (especially any feelings that were missing in the situation)

    • Imagine any residual Anger energy flowing out of your body, into the  ball, and being transformed into the positive equivalent.

    • Once all the residual energy has left, imagine the ball shooting far out into the atmosphere and dissolving into pure white light energy.