What Is It About?
Napkin Version
Aside from being social creatures by nature, being part of a group helps us to weather some of life’s storms better. Loneliness tells us when we have drifted away from our ‘mob’, which may put us at greater risk.
Similarly, it can also tell us when we have drifted away from our authentic selves. If we spend considerable time on our own, but aren’t comfortable with our own company, loneliness makes this ‘inner drift’ known.
It can also sneak up on us in social situations where we are physically surrounded by others, but aren’t able to be ourselves for whatever reason.
This can be a difficult situation as we find ourselves choosing between adapting ourselves to remain in the situation, continuing to be ourselves and being rejected for it, or leaving the situation altogether.
We may also find ourselves adrift from others if we change or grow in a different direction or pace them, or if something has happened to cause a separation between us.
Handling Loneliness
In The Moment
Training our brain to use a relevant process helps us to focus more effectively and move on more easily. Using it often will also help our brain to catch Loneliness sooner, making it easier to manage.
Checking we’re staying true to ourselves, and making time to do what we love is a good start.
When interacting with others, keeping a low judgement ‘live and let live’ approach with a bit of humour, often goes a long way.
Thinking about how we can creatively explore life with an open-hearted sense of adventure, pitch in to help out, or get up to some wholesome mischief, gives our mind some diverse topics to open up new ideas for meeting people and creating genuine connections.
Self-Reflection
If the emotion feels quite troubling, it’s usually worth checking if something else is going on first.
By resolving things in ourselves and clearing any other residual emotions, we can reduce the intensity of the emotion - now and when we encounter it again in future.
Doing so also makes us less likely to ‘attract’ other difficulties that leave us feeling the same way.
See the Processing and Clearing an Emotion page for a generic process to resolve and clear an emotion.
Working Through Loneliness
The actions we choose to take in response to an emotion can make a significant difference to how well we adjust and move on from it.
The more we take genuine actions that are uplifting and ‘right’ i.e., are good for ourselves and everyone else (including the environment and other living beings) - for now, and over the long-term, the better our experience of life becomes.
The following can help us to work through Loneliness:
Connecting with different types of people, to get to know ourselves better, and who we tend to click with.
Being comfortable with our own company.
Spending more time around those we can be ourselves with, and doing what we can to look after and build those connections.
Being the best kind of friend we can be, to our friends.
Loving people for who they are, and letting them roll with life the way they want to.
Taking more time to listen to and understand others without judgement – each perspective is valuable in its own way.
Balancing our needs with that of others, to ensure everyone, including ourselves, is able to relax, be themselves, and live fully.
Standing up for ourselves if we aren’t treated with respect.
Removing ourselves from situations we simply don’t fit.
Having the courage to introduce ourselves to others.
Being comfortable with rejection (see Rejection chapter), and taking a more relaxed, live and let live, approach.
Using our sense of humour more often to lighten the situation, brighten everyone’s day, and build connections.
Finding innovative ways to connect with others when we aren’t physically able to do so.
Getting more involved in the community in ways that fit us.
Improving our communication skills to have greater confidence in building rapport and sharing our thoughts with others.
Having pets, and appreciating their unconditional love
Clearing Residual Loneliness
Emotional energy can stick with us, even after we have worked through and resolved whatever caused it.
There are a number of ways we can clear the energy, including doing something physical in nature, imagining the emotion leaving our body, or for more intense emotions, there is a variety of different therapies and alternative forms of energy healing that can also help.
This short video has been created to help the imagination process:
Imagine holding a ball of energy in your hands, and ‘charging’ it with the feeling of love, and anything else that would help to offset it (especially any feelings that were missing in the situation)
Imagine any residual Loneliness energy flowing out of your body, into the ball, and being transformed into the positive equivalent.
Once all the residual energy has left, imagine the ball shooting far out into the atmosphere and dissolving into pure white light energy.
