What Is It About?

Napkin Version

We are social creatures who enjoy sharing the good times, and pull together during life’s challenges.  So our groups matter to us, and the functioning of them can have a significant impact upon our well-being, our ability to survive and thrive, and upon our general level of happiness.

Since we fit in with some people and situations better than others, actively choosing who we spend time or work with, and what situations we stay in, can make quite a difference to our quality of life. 

It’s normal to explore situations before deciding if we fit, and it’s also normal for people to change and grow apart over time.  So rejecting and being rejected by others is a very normal part of life.

However it can still be painful when our match (or contribution) is not seen to be as valuable as we think it is, and even more so if we are rejected because of a harsh judgement, or are ghosted.

The benefit of Rejection is that it helps us to reflect upon what is important to us, and what we can do to improve our situation.

  • Rejection can be difficult, especially if we didn’t see it coming.  Once we accept it has happened, our mind is more likely to stop wrestling with it. 

  • Take a moment to look at things from the other’s perspective, and have an honest look at what might be behind it, to decide if we should take it personally.

  • Once we have a broader view, we can shift our focus back to ourselves and identify any changes that would be good for us, take stock of where we are at, and look at what would be best for us at this point.

Handling Rejection

In The Moment

Training our brain to use a relevant process helps us to focus more effectively and move on more easily. Using it often will also help our brain to catch Rejection sooner, making it easier to manage.

Self-Reflection

If the emotion feels quite troubling, it’s usually worth checking if something else is going on first.

By resolving things in ourselves and clearing any other residual emotions, we can reduce the intensity of the emotion - now and when we encounter it again in future. 

Doing so also makes us less likely to ‘attract’ other difficulties that leave us feeling the same way.

See the Processing and Clearing an Emotion page for a generic process to resolve and clear an emotion.

Working Through Rejection

The actions we choose to take in response to an emotion can make a significant difference to how well we adjust and move on from it.

The more we take genuine actions that are uplifting and ‘right’ i.e., are good for ourselves and everyone else (including the environment and other living beings) - for now, and over the long-term, the better our experience of life becomes.

The following can help us to work through Rejection:

  • Seeing things from the other’s perspective – is the other person going through difficulties, is it just bad timing, are they looking for something else, or are they simply heading in a different direction?

  • Taking a quick check of ourselves to ensure we are treating others well, e.g. with common courtesy, respect and consideration, and if we are being authentic about who we are. 

  • Considering if we would benefit from developing ourselves,  e.g., learning new skills, gaining more experience, or enlisting in some training or mentoring, to improve our chances of success.

  • If we are surprised by a rejection, considering if we didn’t have the full picture, or if our perception was clouded by other emotions e.g. Infatuation, so we missed the signs of a mismatch.

  • Looking at the dynamics of the situation, e.g. if there is a strong hierarchy in the group, rejection is common, as members get caught up in power struggles.  Difficulties can also arise if the members of a group aren’t aligned and authentic, or if we overstay a situation that we have outgrown or simply don’t fit.

  • Remembering that people and situations can change as time goes on, so a good match can become less suitable over time, and a not so good match may become a great match later on.

  • Appreciating that we like to be able to choose who/what we spend our time with or work with, and respecting that others like to too.

  • Recognising we can waste valuable time and energy trying to avoid rejection, even though it’s a normal part of life.

  • Considering if our time would be better spent getting on with more enjoyable or purposeful endeavours, around others who do the same, and in situations where we can add our unique value.

Clearing Residual Rejection

Emotional energy can stick with us, even after we have worked through and resolved whatever caused it.

There are a number of ways we can clear the energy, including doing something physical in nature, imagining the emotion leaving our body, or for more intense emotions, there is a variety of different therapies and alternative forms of energy healing that can also help.

  • The short video below has been created to help imagine emotional energy leave the body, using the following visualisation process:

    • Imagine holding a ball of energy in your hands, and ‘charging’ it with the feeling of love, and anything else that would help to offset it (especially any feelings that were missing in the situation)

    • Imagine any residual Anger energy flowing out of your body, into the  ball, and being transformed into the positive equivalent.

    • Once all the residual energy has left, imagine the ball shooting far out into the atmosphere and dissolving into pure white light energy.